Diagnosis: Super Dick by Carol Lynn Stevenson Grellas

Even if you think I’m suggesting
something more, as if you were
capable, let me be clear, you never
invented anything to do with the susceptibility
for scarlet fever or something of use
like the Dick Test. No, you’re just a dick.

Think of being vulgar in the best
sense of the word. Think of slang
or the most obnoxiously opinionated
person in the room. That’s right,
you’re that kind of dick.

The kind the doctor looks over
and says, I’m sorry, there’s no cure
for your aliment. It’s always a fatal
diagnosis. Call me a dick for saying
so but only in a real Dick Tracy
kind of way; investigator of crimes,

sleuth of all sleuths, alerting the rest
of the population to your vulgarity
and obvious handicap of missing
a few brain cells, not to mention a heart
and unlimited other miscellaneous parts
as you cheat your way through life,

your head hanging limp from exhaustion
with a preoccupation of self-satisfaction,
a know-it-all kind of dick plumped
full of ego with your tiny tail of dickness
hiding between your legs.

Carol Lynn Stevenson Grellas is an eight-time Pushcart nominee and four-time Best of the Net nominee. She has authored several chapbooks along with her latest full-length collection of poems: Hasty Notes in No Particular Order, newly released from Aldrich Press. She is the 2012 winner of the Red Ochre Press Chapbook competition with her manuscript Before I Go to Sleep and according to family lore she is a direct descendant of Robert Louis Stevenson. www.clgrellaspoetry.com.


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